*This is a day in Mouse's world. The day the boys came home from the hospital.*
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey Marley! Hey! Hey Marley! Hey!” My high pitched, but supremely powerful voice echoed throughout the stairwell as I bounced quickly down the massive stairs while shouting out with glee at my friend. I already knew where I could find him. He would be lying upside down looking like that crazy chick from that movie “The Exorcist”. You know?! The one that pukes up that
green SSHHHIIII…I mean…stuff as her head spins. He looks like that when he sleeps. Sometimes, it gives me the chills. The hair on the back on my neck stands up when I see him like that. But, it makes it easier to steal his bones, so I get over it. And, when I wake him, he does that turtle on his back thing. All his legs wiggle as he struggles to get up. It is pretty hilarious. And, by the time he does get up, I am long gone with his bone. Ha ha ha! I am so sneaky!
As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I spotted my target in the green and brown recliner that he claimed for himself. But, this time, he was curled up in a tight little ball fast asleep. So tight, in fact, that he was sniffing his own butt. I bet he inhaled his own farts all night long. Boys are so gross...
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey Marley! Hey! Hey Marley! Hey!” I continued my tirade of morning exclamations. But, he didn’t stir. An eye didn’t open, a muscle didn’t twitch, and his ears didn’t perk. I thought to myself, “Why are you soooo old?” But maybe, just maybe, he was dead. After all, he was probably moping around on this Earth with that Moses guy that is in that big book on the coffee table. If he wasn't kicking it with Moses then he was definitely one of the two canines on that big boat with that Noah character. Heck, even he will tell you that he was here before Snoopy. So, the whole dead thing was a possibility. Either that - or - his farts put him in a coma again. It wouldn't be the first time.
An initial rush of excitement overwhelmed my tiny body and I began to shake. I wouldn’t have to share bones, kibbles, toys, or even my humans. What a great day! I celebrated excitedly with five flawless “Mouse-patented” spin moves of perfection. I can guarantee you that they were the most majestic spin moves anyone has ever witnessed.
I started to slowly walk when…
“Whoa…whoa…whoa…” I wobbled from side to side. Maybe four was my max. I dizzily swayed as the room spun all around me. I felt my breakfast kibbles coming up as I squinted my eyes. The room was still moving. I put my head down on the cold tile and began pawing at it wildly.
“Get out demons!” I shouted. What was in my head? I rubbed the dome of my noggin’ as hard as I could against the tile. My brain was about to explode. I bit at the air trying to catch some relief. Maybe this was the end of the Dynamic Duo…Marley for being so old and me for being so awesome.
With one last ditch effort, I shook my head aggressively flopping my ears from side to side. What a relief...the flopping must have released the demons for now. They would be back. They always came back. It never fails!
Now...to see if he was dead.
"Hey! Hey! Hey Marley! Hey! Hey Marley! Hey!" I shouted as I began to spin. But, after two spins, I remembered the demons and stopped.
"Ohhh-kayyy…" he moaned through a gruff and irritated old voice.
That old man was always such a grump. He rarely ever had anything happy to say. His disposition was similar to an old windbag at the senior citizen home after finding out that the nightly bingo session was cancelled. Most the time, he was just plain grumpy.
Marley struggled to get up on his paws. His old joints popped and cracked. It sounded like a five year was bouncing on a roll of bubble wrap. As he made his way upright, he took a big stretch sticking his old butt in the air. A slew of ancient gas slowly eked out from his decaying body. The dizziness was setting in again as my vision blurred and my noise burned. It was just another morning in paradise.
Before I could say anything I was interrupted...
"Whhh-aaattt the heck was that all about? Would you just shut up already? You are so annoying?" His gruff voice was irritated but inquiring.
"Hey! Hey! Hey Marley! Hey! When do you think Mom and Dad will be home? Huh? Huh? Huh? They have been gone so long. And, all they have brought home is that little blanket that smells like vomit?"
He tilted his head to the side and appeared to be thinking. After all, even his old, half dead butt had to have noticed they had been gone. And, that blanket that smelt like a mixture of a squishy human and vomit. And, I am not even sure why we would have a blanket from a squishy human because we don't have any of those. But, I did notice that mommy's belly is bigger than before. I am not sure what that means though.
"Calm down tiny. Everything will be alright..." his voice trailed off as the squeaking of the garage door filled the air. Suddenly, his old, half-dead butt was resurrected as his tail began to wag at an alarming rate. His rear end waddled from side to side and he began to "bark". I say "bark" because he sounds more like a seal being attacked by a killer whale. Now...who is the annoying one? Huh?
As the door opened, I began to shout "Hey! Hey! Hey Mom! Hey!" But, my shouts were quickly drowned out by a tiny, shrieking cry emanating from a a little seat with a handle that she carried. The little thing was making some annoying noises and looked like one of those little alien things that I saw on the television. But, for some reason mom thinks it is cute. She keeps talking to it in a little voice. She is trying to be cute or something.
While mom was handling one screaming little monster, dad came in with another one.
"Hey! Hey! Hey Marley! Hey! What is gooooo-innnnngggg on? What is the deal with these little squishy things? They just keep comin'! How many more could there be?!!"
Marley stretched, jumped back in his recliner and was fast asleep within seconds. Really, I thought to myself. This was a crisis and he didn't even seem to care...
Mom and dad were paying attention to those little noisy things. So, I jumped at dad's leg trying to take him out at the knee, but that didn't work. How could I get there attention? Drastic times call for drastic measures I thought. So, without thinking...I did the unthinkable.
The demons would come back. I knew that, but it was a risk I was willing to take. Without hesitation, I proceeded to execute six flawless "Mouse-patented" spin moves of perfection. I presented each spin in glorious fashion. But, as I finished, I began to sway from side to side. The room was spinning and the demons were coming back. I stumbled into the couch and slowly slid to the tile. I felt like my biscuit was about to come up. In time, I would figure out what the deal was with those two noisy, squishy things...but for now, I just needed a nap.
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