Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Rub-A-Dub-Dub Two Gremlins in the Tub...

Boys,

This evening, you two were being little terrors. When the sun goes down, you guys turn into Gremlins. Suddenly, there are two little green monsters causing chaos all over our casa.

At 8:59 p.m., you guys look like this...
Cute and cuddly...

But, when 9:00 p.m rolls around, you turn into one of these...
Terrifying little screaming nightmares...

On some nights, we attempt to rectify this transformation from super cute and cuddly to terrifying, screaming nightmares by taking you boys on a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood. The walks will usually calm you pretty well. But, tonight...it just wouldn't work. The walk made you even more angry. You guys were too hot and sweaty in the stroller to continue to roll.

The Gremlins were screaming, crying incessantly. It was crazy. So, we decided to bathe your guys to see if it would calm you down. You guys always liked the bath, but we hadn't tried to put you in when you were losing your dang minds.

With a little apprehension, we decided to pursue the bath time idea...
And, what do you know...RUB-A-DUB-DUB time worked flawlessly. Which isn't usually true for Gremlins...if you didn't know that, then I don't have time for you. When Gremlins get wet, they multiple and become holy terrors.

But, this time, the crisis was averted for both Gremlins. Within minutes, the Gremlins were gone.

Boston calmly lounged in the bath...

And, Braxton did too...

Although he was a little nervous when mommy's hand was flying in like the Flash to clean his double chin.

After the baths, you both were extremely happy and smiles were everywhere.
Happy boys in hoods! 

I love you guys as much as you love your bath time.

Love,
Dad

Monday, July 30, 2012

Time to Kick One Back...

It has happened to every single one of us at some point in time. No one is above it. I am talking about the time you drank so much that you passed out.

It was probably a little embarrassing. People may have laughed at you, and you may have woken up with some dribble on your chin. You might vomit a little. If it was really bad, you may have urinated and defecated in your pants. And, more than likely, a family member or a friend was watching over you to make sure you were all right no matter how bad you smelled.

For some of the readers, this happens on weekly basis. And, for them, I am a little concerned. But, in a slurred voice they would mumble something about being fine and not needing my pity. For other readers, it is a once a month type of thing. They are a little more controlled and let loose once in a while. Still, there are others who let it happen a few times a year: his/her birthday, 4th of July, Memorial Day, New Year's Eve, and the occasional football game. And, lastly, there are those of us who had a problem for a couple years, but ultimately we overcame it.

Now, some readers are probably thinking..."oh, my gosh, Justin used to have a drinking problem." I did. Again, at one point, all of us did. So, there is no need to judge me here.

In the beginning, I drank when I was in need of comfort. The bottle was my friend. It was a welcomed companion. I would belly up to the bar and have a drink. A lot of times, it would stop the tears from falling or the screams from piercing the airways.  It was a rough time. I was young and immature and really didn't know any better.

Eventually, I kicked my drinking problem. The AA meetings helped. I moved on from the bottle. I passed out less often as I moved away from the harsh stuff. I found myself with more energy. And, although the "Jack Sparrow" walk became more prevalent, I was happy with my juice. The sippy cup became my new friend.

With the help of my sponsor and my friends in the nursery, I overcame the problem. Bobby, Sally, Alli, and Smitty were there for me every crawl, stumble, and step of the way. And, while we still found ourselves urinating and defecating in our pants, a little after my first birthday, I kicked the drinking habit. The bottle was never in my mouth again, and the comas stopped. Like I said, we all had a drinking problem once...

Right now, my boys suffer from the drinking problem. It may be genetic. I feel like I pushed it on them. They are following in my ways. Like their dad, they love themselves some formula, and they have withdraws if they don't get it every couple hours. Like little mini drug addicts, all hell breaks loose when they do not get their fix.

video

I feel bad enabling them. Their addiction is a problem, and I support it. After all, I know how hard it is to overcome this addiction, so I just let them continue on. Does that make me a bad father? Don't answer that...

These little guys can drink with the best of them. They put the formula down like it is no body's business. I shouldn't be proud of their drinking problems, but I am.

As they  put it down their little eyes roll back in their heads and they smack their lips with approval. They chug like crazy. Like little junkies finally getting their fix, an overwhelming calm overcomes my boys after the bottles are emptied.

And they empty a lot of them...

I am known as the "KING OF THE BREW". My motto is "When they scream for a fix, I begin to mix".  Painstakingly, I blend specially hand-crafted bottles of flavor. My menu has included:

The Stinky Soy
The Spit-Up Express
The Fussy Tummy Finalizer
The Shaken Not Stirred
The Ev'ry Day
The All Shook Up
The Moonlight Zombie
And Many More...

On the streets, they call the trance one goes into after one of my specialty brews as the "MILK COMA". The ecstasy of the "MILK COMA" is known to put these little dudes out for quite some time.

We usually begin like this (clothes optional)...

Move to this...

And, end like this... 
Eventually, he will wake up wearing clothes he didn't start with, laying next to some big furry animal. It will all be a daze.

Or like this...
 Eventually waking up the next morning with sun on your face and not sure how you got there.

Either way...it always starts and ends the same.
And, just one of my specialty brews gets them from there to here...

Hiccups included...
video

So, next time you are in need of a quick fix...come to JAMMER'S COZY COMA and experience all the menu has to offer...

Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Silly Things Boys Do...

Boys,

You guys are comedians! From the day you arrived, you guys have been doing funny stuff. I love all the silly things boys do like...

- Praying for mommy to hurry with a bottle...

- Mean-mugging each other...

- Laughing hysterically at the puppy...

-Attempting to harmonize your high pitched "I want a bottle now" screams...

- Making sweet fashion statements...

- Making surprised faces...

- Making scowling faces...

- Making mischievous faces...

- Practicing meditation...at the top of your lungs...

- Arguing sports with each other...

- Pretending to be the stars of Grumpier Old Men...
-Acting like zombies...

- Pretending to be Abu from the Kwik E Mart...

-Having the greatest conversations EVER...

- Having crazy sneezing attacks...
video

And, so much more...

You guys are pretty funny already, and you are only going to get funnier.

Love you.

Love,
Dad

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Baby Talk...

B & B,

You guys love to "talk". You make noises, ooooo's and ahhhhh's, and jabber back and forth. It is quite comical. The other night, as we prepared to go on our walk, you guys wouldn't quiet down. You were talkin' up a storm.

I think the conversation went a little something like this...


I am sure it is just one of many similar conversations to come in the future. And, they are going to be great!

Love you boys!

Love,
Dad

Thursday, July 19, 2012

A Full-Time Live in Babysitter...

Boys,

Little did we know, we hired you guys a full time babysitter. She is always around and very concerned with how you guys are doing. She keeps you warm and calm during naps. She lets us know when you guys are having a hard time. And, she is always interested in what you are doing.

She always has a watchful eye on you. It is really quite funny to see. She always wants to be around you guys. She loves you guys a lot. Babysitters are expensive, but this one gets paid in biscuits and kibbles.

Since the day you guys come home, Mouse has been your watchful companion. She watches Saturday morning cartoons with us. And, she loves to take naps with you guys.

She is very excited to be your big sister. She loves you guys very much.

This morning, Braxton and I were snuggling on the couch. I got up to make a bottle and was replaced by a snugly little friend.

She loves you guys and so do I.

Love you!

Love,
Dad


Monday, July 16, 2012

A Walking Victory...

Boss and Brax,

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

That's right. I hope I scared you! I have wanted to yell, scream, and whine at the top of my lungs today.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I just did it again. Wanna know why?!!

Today, the two of you were holy terrors. That's right. If you two weren't so stinkin' cute, I might have sold you today. No amount of holding, rocking, singing, walking, feeding, changing, dancing, screaming, or pogo sticking would get you two to calm down. But, in the end, I just couldn't part ways with you two. So, instead I just screamed back at you for a minute.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

That's right. I am louder than you. 

But, when the screaming just made you flail your arms wildly, I figured we might have to change up the plan. So, a walk it was...

Boston, you were ready to go and slightly amused...

Braxton, you...on the other hand...weren't so sure.

But, in the end...it worked.
So...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Daddy - 1   Twins - 0

We will meet again tomorrow!

Love you.

Love,
Dad

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Saturday Mornings...

Boys,

It is the best morning of the week...Saturday Morning. Let's face it. There is no work, hopefully no where to be, and cartoons. And, no matter how old you get, you are never too old for some Saturday morning cartoons. Good thing for Netflix, because today's Saturday morning cartoons stink!

Instead, Netflix gives us Tail Spin, Duck Tales, Recess, Inspector Gadget, and Ninja Turtles. What more could you ask for?!!

This morning, we decided to let your mommy sleep. So, the three dudes and the two pups hid ourselves away in the man cave and watch some cartoons.

Now, you mom always laughs because when I watch you guys alone...you are always in just a diaper. So, on Saturday morning, the three of us lounged on the couch in our diapers while watching Duck Tales. WOO-HOO! Luckily for the readers, I spared pictures of the diapers. And, eventually even put you guys in some sleepers. After which, we fell asleep to an episode of Inspector Gadget.
Times like these I wouldn't change for all the money in the world. It is our new tradition on Saturday morning. We let mommy sleep while we go watch cartoons and eventually fall back asleep. It happens quite often as you can see.

We nap on the couch, and it is awesome.

Sometimes we look peaceful...

Other times, we appear to be in a milk coma...
And, sometimes, we look DEAD...

But, in the end, it is one of the BEST times of my week. Just my boys and me...taking a nap.

I love you guys.

Love,
Dad

Friday, July 13, 2012

One Month...

Dear Boston and Braxton,

It has been a month! It has been 31 days. Roughly, it has been 744 hours. It has been 44,640 minutes or 2,678,400 seconds. It has been a BLUR!

In the past 31 days, 744 hours, 44,640 minutes, or 2,678,400 seconds (depending on how you look at things), my life has changed. Every day, it changes a little more. And, every day, I change more and more...diapers that is. I feel like I have changed 2.6 million diapers in the past month. And, while it hasn't been that many, I do feel like we are polluting the world...one diaper at a time.

Despite all the urine, poop, vomit, spit-up, screaming, and sleepless nights...I love being your dad. More than anything, I love my family. I love your mom so much. And, I love you two more than life itself. It is an indescribable feeling. It is one of those things that cannot understand until you are in the position.

As inadequate as I have felt, someone I got the job of raising you two. Luckily, your mom is by my side because I need all the help I can get.

It is amazing to think that it has been a month. It has flown by, and I wouldn't change my new chaotic life. I don't usually have time for video games. I cannot just go to the movies at the drop of a hat. I don't always have time to play basketball or run. Sometimes, I don't even have time to urinate. And, your mom and I haven't had a warm meal in a month. But, I wouldn't change a thing. I love my life.

Video games and basketball can wait. Movies and running are overrated. I can wear a diaper and cold pizza is awesome. So, what more can I say...

One amazing month down and many more to come...

It is hard to believe that you went from this...
(10 hours old)

To this...
(Roughly 2 weeks old)

To this...
(One Month Old)

I cannot even imagine where the rest of this journey is going to take me. But, I am going to hang on for dear life and shout "Yee-Haw" the entire time.
I love you guys!

Love,
Dad

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

25 Things...

As new parents, we often worry about how we are doing. We often think that we are failing as parents. We get overly concerned with the smallest details rather than the large pictures.

Whenever we are feeling down, one of us will say...

"We are good parents...they are still alive, aren't they? No one's blue!"

Or something to that extent...

But, after twenty minutes of being on the Internet, I realize we are in the running for the title of "Best Parent's on Earth". For real!

So, here is my "Baby Bucket List". The list contains crazy things that I will never do to my children...


Boston & Braxton, I will never...

#1 - Throw you from one side of a chasm to another in hopes that mom will catch you. Even if you look like a super awesome flying torpedo.

#2 - Pose you with props that could possibly kill you just for the pleasure of having a picture with a saw.

#3 - No matter how bad I want to be the cool dad...I will not let you car surf just to show off to your friends in the hospital nursery.

#4 - Make you live in the dog kennel...

#5 - Use you as a table...

#6 - Take you to Justin Beiber concert...

#7 - Carry you by your ankles, no matter how strong they are...

#8 - Leave you in the street...

#9 - Let Mommy steal all the Kool Aid...

#10 - Use you for extra weight when power lifting...heck, who am I kidding...I am never gonna power lift.

#11 - Leave you in the middle of the store floor to fend for yourself...

#12 - Have mom carry you as we ride our Harley...

#13 - Risk your life for a sweet photo...heck, I am better off putting you back with the saw.

#14 - Place you as a carry on while flying...

#15 - Make you wear "Hammer" pants like Nana made me...

#16 - Hang you from a tree to dry out your diaper...

#17 - Make you hang out with the snake from Harry Potter...

#18 - Let your mom force you to watch Calamity Jane...

#19 - Hang your over the railing at the zoo...

#20 - Let your Mommy make you watch BAD reality TV...

#21 - Use duct tape on you...something your Uncle D did to me...

#22 - Buy you anything off this aisle...

#23 - Do this...
But...I cannot promise the same for your mom.

#24 - Let Uncle JoJo sing to you...

#25 - Make you dress up as Chippendales Dancers...AGAIN...