Wednesday, May 30, 2012

You Know Your Wife is Pregnant When...

The growing belly is always a dead give away. Each day it grows a little more. But, that is not the only way one can tell if his wife is pregnant...that one is only the beginning.


You Know Your Wife is Pregnant...

When she screams excitedly over finding an old Kit Kat Bar in the freezer.

If she can no longer fit out of your backdoor.

If her nephew tells her that her it is okay that her belly got big.

If the AT&T commercial makes her cry.

If you feel like a waiter for a table of 10 when grabbing her mid-afternoon snack.

If she expects an award for getting off the toilet on her own.

When she blows up on the 16 year working at Target over 12 cents.

If it is a spectacle every time she goes out in public.

 If she uses her belly as a shelf to hold plates, cups, and bowls.

If you get a wench installed to help her get up off the couch.

If you feel like you are sleeping next to a Polar Bear every night...warmth and snoring included.

If she does the potty dance more often than an entire kindergarten class.

If she gets more food on her stomach than she does in her mouth.

If the highlight of her day is watching the Magic Bullet infomercial.

When your mother-in-law uses her daughter as an excuse for someone to pick her up fast food.

When she tells you to push her out of bed at 3 am.

If her profile overshadows that of Santa Claus's.

When she is tempted to eat the Old Cadbury Eggs residing under the couch.

If she honks the car horn with her belly even with the seat all the way back.

If she sends you on a 5 am run to pick up Twinkies and Nacho Cheese for breakfast.

If the Popsicle stick jokes make her pee a little. And if the Laffy Taffy wrappers, make her pee a lot.

If she saves the jar of pickle juice to make a float.

If the "sexy" Sunflower Mumu is what she seductively puts on for your anniversary.

When she cries hysterically because you ate the last cookie.

If she is voted best (beer) belly at the annual Cowboys-Eagles NFL Tailgate Party.

If she has a treasure map for every bathroom located within a twenty mile radius along with a guide to the ones with the best toilet paper.

If the 24 pack of toilet paper only lasts 2 days.

If she sends you out for dinner, and you are required to stop for Chinese, Italian, Mexican, and McDonald's for the same meal. 

If your newborn won't be the only one in diapers.

When she searches the couch cushions for old Halloween candy.

If the sound of crinkling paper makes her get naked.

If the doctor looks at her "goods" more than you do.


If you see a grown man wearing this shirt...

And, now you know!

1 comment:

  1. I love this post Justin!! Especially because it has so much truth to it!

    Lindsay Z