Sunday, May 06, 2012

The Human Sauna...

Sweat trickled down my back. Beads of perspiration gathered on my forehead and others accumulated on my neck. Heat radiated from some unknown source. Memories of being stranded in the Sahara Desert came to my mind, but this was much worse. The heat was unbearable. My back was scorching. It felt as if someone was pressing a red hot branding iron against my spine...but...again...that would have been more comfortable than my current predicament. HELL may have been a cooler place than where I was at the moment.

A combination of drool and sweat covered my pillow case. My tangled sheets were damp. I wondered if I had wet the bed. I rolled over uncomfortably and was greeted by the source of the radiating heat. The human sauna laying next to me was my pregnant wife.  She had become an industrial strength oven capable of heating the Antarctic for days on end.

This has become a vast change to the Arctic tundra that used to consume my bed. You see, a woman is unique in the fact that her body's temperature changes so rapidly and dramatically. When we first got married, I felt like I was climbing in bed with a frozen Butterball Turkey. The moment we got in bed, my wife's feet and butt would turn into ice cubes and she would want nothing more than to warm them up on me. I was regularly turned into an icicle as my wife tried to freeze me out of the bed. But, nowadays, there has been a huge change. The heat has overtaken. Icebergs are melting as the sun inches closer and closer.

As hot as it is, heat is what got us here in the first place...wink, wink. So, for now...I will deal with my bed feeling like a sauna.


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