Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Terror of the Button...

FEAR...TERROR...HORROR!

There are few things in this life that really terrify me. To be honest, I actually enjoy the feeling of being scared. I like to watch scary movies, walk through haunted houses, and play in the dark (if you know what I mean...wink, wink). A little bit of fear gets the adrenaline pumping, keeps me on my toes, and makes me feel alive. Fear can be a good thing. It keeps me ready for action.

You see, I walk around my house pretending to be a combination of Liam Neeson from "Taken", King Leonidas from "300", and Chuck Norris from...well...everyday life...like on a trip to Starbucks or Albertsons. Most of the time, I mock people who purchase and drink Starbucks...but Chuck Norris can drink whatever he wants. Anyways, I usually turn the lights down low like Bob Marley and go grab a late night snack. As I do, I must check to see if the house is secure. So, I pop in and out of rooms, bathrooms, and around every corner pulling off my sweetest ninja movies just in case there is a threat. Usually, I do this with my trusty sidekick in tow, our Chiweenie, Mouse. As I pull off my best moves, she proceeds to look at me like I am crazy while spin moving until her brains are scrambled.

So, as you can see...I am pretty brave and kind of a bad ass. There are not many things that scare me short of...needles, spider webs, Easy Bake Ovens, old episodes of Frasier, 70 year old women over 7 feet tall, tightie whities, caterpillars, alleys after midnight, spoiled milk, and serial killers. Other than that, I am not scared of much.

But this whole pregnancy thing, there is a whole new fear coming into play. A fear that terrifies me. It sends chills down my spine. It keeps me up at night, hiding under the covers. I quiver in horror any time it comes around.

I am not afraid of the prospect of twins. I am not afraid of what is to come. But, I am afraid of...the belly button!

That's right...the pregnancy belly button scares me. I mean, what happened to it? Why? Why is this happening? It is as if aliens are pushing their way out from the inside. Why is it inside out? A regular belly button is scarier enough...

For the next three weeks, the fear will continue to consume me...but, in the end...it will all be worth it.

PS: Babe, I love your belly. But, please...please stop chasing me with the button!


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