Dear sons,
Today, I stressed about you both a little more.
Today, I missed you both a little harder.
Today, I looked at your pictures a little bit more.
Today, I rushed home a little faster.
Today, I held you both a little longer.
Today, I hugged you both a little tighter.
Today, I kissed you both a little more.
Today, I watched you both sleep a little longer.
Today, I prayed for you both a little harder.
Today, I thanked God for you both a little more.
Today, I just wanted to let you two know just how mush I love each of you. I love both of you so much. I want you to always remember just how much your dad loves and cares about you both. Don't ever forget that I think the world of you both. Don't ever forget that I am always here for both of you. Don't ever forget that I love you both with all my heart and soul. But, more than all of that, don't ever forget that you can always talk to your old man.
Throughout life, I hope that you both confide in me. I hope that you both come to me with questions. I hope you both talk to me as a father and a friend. Throughout my life, I have confided in my dad a great deal. Your Papi has always been there for me and I cherish that relationship. That is a relationship that I hope to have with both of you in the future.
I am so ready for those talks. I am ready for the questions and concerns. I simply cannot wait for those experiences. However, on occasion, you will have questions that I cannot answer.
Today, I had one of those questions. The question was simple enough. It was "WHY?"I have had that question before. I asked when I was deathly ill as a child. I asked it after the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001. I asked it when I was ill as a high school student. I asked when I suffered from severe depression. I asked it after my Uncle John passed away. And, I asked it again today.
Today was a horrific day. And, the only question I could ask was WHY?
Often times, throughout life, your faith will be tested. And, in those moments, you will ask God why...
Why do horrible things happen in this world? Why does God allow horrible things to happen.
And, in those moments, we have to remember that there are some things that we just don't understand. We have to remember that there are some truths that we are simply not ready for. Sometimes, there are just no words to explain why something horrible occurs. Sometimes, there is just no logical or comforting explanation. Often times, no explanation will do. Sometimes...we have no words.
And, in those moments, your old man will have no answer either. There is no answer that will do. In those moments, we must turn to our faith in our Savior and his heavenly plan. We must remember the plan that He set out for all of us. We must remember His love for us. We must remember that He has felt all of our pains. And, in those moments, we can find peace. We can find peace in the reality that he is in control of our lives. We can find peace in the knowledge that our Savior died for us. We can find peace in moments of dispair if we remember to go to Him.
Throughout life, you will experience pain. Throughout life, you will wonder why. Throughout life, you will have emotional responses to situations that impact you both directly and indirectly. Today, for me, was one of those days. It is a day I will never forget. It is a day that reminded me of many things.
It was day that reminded me to...
Be a little kinder
Be a little happier
Smile a little bigger
Laugh a little harder
Love a little more
It was a day that reminded me to be thankful for everyday of my life. It was a day that reminded me of all my blessings. It was a day that reminded me to love my family a little more and to show each of them a little better. It was a day that made me want to be a better person.
For each of those flames that was put out too soon, I am thankful that I know who is hugging each of them now. I feel blessed to know that God has 26 more angels in his mist. I feel blessed to know that as He looked down and wept on Friday...He also embraced each of those terrified little children tightly and wiped away each of their tears. I feel blessed to know that they are in His embrace. And, while I still wonder why...I feel blessed for my knowledge of Him.
I am blessed to know that Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me...do not hinder them. For to such belongs the kingdom of heaven."
I love you boys very much. But, even as much as I love you both, your Heavenly Father loves you more. Your Savior loves you more than you could every imagine. He laid his life down for each of us. And, we must never forget that. So, even in the hard times...even in the times when we begin to ask why...even in the times when we have no words...we must remember Him and his redeeming sacrifice.
I love you so much!
Love,
Dad
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