Saturday, August 18, 2012

10 Things To Never Speak Of...

Dear Boys,

Hold up! Wait! Don't call CPS! We may need to have this message self destruct after being read. I really probably shouldn't show these things to the public, but I feel you should know about your childhood. 

First, I love your mother very much. She is an amazing mom. But, in the chaos of raising twins. She will, on occasion, lose it. I am not proud of the following images, and I am getting your mother help for her issues. The following 10 images are things that we should never speak of again. These are things that I will try to ensure your mother never does to you again.

#1: Mommy will steal your Bumbo chairs and brainwash daddy into using them as helmets with her.
#2: Mommy will toughen you up with temporary tattoos in order to scare off other mom's at the grocery store.
 #3: Dress you guys up as Nuns.
#4: Make you work nights at Chippendale's in order to help pay for formula and diapers.
#5: This...
#6: Dress you up in MC Hammer pants and have you put on a concert just for her...
"Can't touch this..."
#7: Make you wear some make shift version of a medieval bonnet.
#8: Dress you up as characters from the novel, "Little Women".
#9: Continue dress rehearsal for her own production of "Little Women".
#10: Dress you up as a train conductor or European policeman walking the beat for Scotland Yard.
So, as you can see your mother is quite creative is her daily activities. And, while I don't approve of her actions, I love her very much. I am trying to get her the help she needs.

The therapy is working, and one day, you should be free of the horrors of your childhood. Or so I think...

Sorry CPS! 

I love you boys!

Love.
Dad



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