Monday, August 06, 2012

Bumbo What?!

As a kid, I never dreamed about being an inventor. I was perfectly happy using the creations of others with the exception of the toilet. I mean, why waste water when there are perfectly good trees outside that need to be watered?! Logical right?! My mom didn't seem to think so. Neither did my first grade teacher or principal. I guess they didn't care about the environment like I did. Or should I so do, because my wife still gets mad at me.

 Anyways, that is beside the point. As a youngster, I was enjoying using the items that others had worked so hard to create for me.

However, as I have gotten older, I have gotten the itch to invent something. And, yes I know that the toupee has already been invented. Very funny guys! But, seriously...I find myself brainstorming ideas and doodling on napkins. Does playing Hangman and Tic-Tac-Toe count? At any rate, I have a desire to create something, invent something, give the world something.

But what?!

I started off slow. First, I thought about items that go well when coupled together...like spaghetti and meatballs, peanut butter and jelly, ball and bat, man and dog, TV and remote, cheerleaders and football, and John Stamos and ice cream. Don't ask about the last one. And, then it hit me. The inspiration came easily enough when my buddy, Jonas, came by. Jonas, as claimed by himself, has always had a great sense of style. Sometimes, I think that he think that he is ahead of his time. That was a mouth full. Anyways, Jonas has a few favorite ensembles, but here's one of his all-time favorites...

And it goes like this...

"Take me by the tongue
and I'll know you
kiss me till you're drunk
and I'll show you"

That's right. I got you to sing. Don't lie. I know I did. As soon as you read, "And it goes like this..."

"Take me by the tongue
and I'll know you
kiss me till you're drunk
and I'll show you"

Got you again! You started singing again. This is TOO easy. But, really...it goes like this:
SOCKS WITH SANDALS!

One of America's greatest Saturday morning combos! Thus, the beginning of my creation. But, as awesome as the socks are, I felt like they were not helping the sandals reach their full potential. As I pondered this quandary, it came to me. Sandals go good on the beach. Metal detectors go good on the beach. That was it...METAL DETECTING SANDALS! Brilliant!

But, little did I know, someone beat me to it. My hopes were crushed. My prototype was useless...well besides the $2.12 in change that I found on the beautiful shores of Lake Mead.

So, it was back to the drawing board. And, not long after, on another Saturday morning, it came to me. As I sat there eating boring round waffles and using the computer, it came to me. THE PERFECT COMBO! Why didn't I think of this before?! It was so obvious.

How about a waffle maker that produces waffles in the shape of a computer keyboard? It would sell like hot cakes. Get it? Hot cakes?! Waffles are like hot cakes. Nevermind, if you have to explain it...it isn't funny.

Can you imagine the popularity among bloggers, gaming nerds, and computer programmers. Heck, over 11 million nerds play World of Warcraft alone. The cash register was ringing.

But, once again, prototype in production...patent pending...patent denied. Someone beat me to it again. Who knew the waffle maker business was so cut-throat?

Frustrated, I went back to the drawing board one last time. What could I invent that would be useful to so many people. As I sat in my cubicle, sweating it out on another last minute deadline, it came to me. Sweat was accumulating at the base of my throat. My neck was on fire. I had to loosen the tie. There it was...the thought that would change the lives of millions...how about a USB powered fan within the knot of the necktie.

But, once again, my top notch idea was defeated by Japanese brilliance, ingenuity, and overall awesomeness.

Inventing was tougher than I ever imagined.  My ideas were ones that would mold and change a generation, but I couldn't buy a break. While little kids were making millions off bottle cap necklaces and silly shaped rubber bands; my metal detector sandals, keyboard shaped waffle makers, and USB air conditioned ties were stolen by other savvy inventors.

As I reevaluated my life and my significance in the universe over a bowl of Oatmeal, I realized that I didn't really care about being an inventor anymore. I wasn't really concerned with bringing a product to the public that would change lives. I wasn't really concerned with being rich or famous. I was only concerned with being able to name the product. That was it. I just wanted to name it.

I wasn't asking much. Just a simple name.

Like the Bumbo! What lucky guy got to name that ingenious invention. What a lucky basta...

Hold up! Hey!

"For my ni..."

That's right...got you singing a little Nate Dogg and Dr. Dre right there.

 But, this is a kid's program.

Back to our champion...the Bumbo. What a name! It is pure marketing brilliance. Think about it. If we were walking together, and I was like..."I cannot wait to go sit in my Bumbo!" Your naturally response would be "What in the heck is a Bumbo?!" And, the overwhelming urge to find, buy, and sit in a Bumbo would consume you.  I bet the majority of you are going to go buy a Bumbo right after this post...if you can wait that long.

The Bumbo...why didn't I think of that. My kids love to watch Dumbo while eating Gumbo in their Bumbo.
Dr. Seuss is jealous of both my kids and my rhymes. Not to mention my ADHD!

The Bumbo is a great product with an even better name. I cannot even get over how incredibly, amazingly, awesome the name is. And, the product can be used for both butts and heads. If you ever want to pretend to be a Spartan Warrior then the Bumbo will come in handy. If I was them, I would market the Bumbo to adults. After all, we found it useful.
So, moral of the story...at this point in time, my goals have changed. I no longer have a desire to invent anything. I just want to name something. That is all. I am not asking for much.

Then I had an idea...and it goes like this...

"Take me by the tongue
and I'll know you
kiss me till you're drunk
and I'll show you"

Gotcha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

But, really...on a hot Saturday night while giving my wife a back rub, it hit me. I could do both...invent and name.

And, now...I have TWINS.
PS: Neither one is named Bumbo.

2 comments:

  1. hahaha Love the post! So sad to hear you are giving up inventing...you had so many good ideas. ;) But...your boys are the cutest creations EVER so way to go you two! Can't wait to come over and play with them again...soon? Please!

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  2. Kassie,

    Thanks for reading and commenting! I really appreciate it.

    You are welcome to come see and hang out with the boys anytime. Seriously! As far as inventing goes, the itch is coming back. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve. Maybe...I got it...a toilet that looks like a tree so you feel like you are urinating outside. Better yet, an outside toilet that has a tree in it. You pee on the tree and it runs down into the bowl. Then, you flush. Awesomeness. Maybe?!

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