Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Double Agent Dad...

For those of my loyal subjects who have religiously followed my exploits through the stage of life we know as pregnancy, you are well aware of both my abilities as and tendencies to become a top secret agent. These exploits while random and completely unbelievable actually happened. The events unfolded as described and were delivered to you for not only your enjoyment but your education as well. In all honesty though, they were probably much more enjoyable than they were educational. Probably?! Let's try this again. In all honesty though, they were much more enjoyable than they were educational. At any rate, here we are again about to embark on yet another whimsical mission on this journey through parenthood.
 
My wife has mocked me incessantly as I have perfected the ground crawl, practiced my James Bond rolls, borrowed her make-up for war paint and created my own theme music while attempting to repel down our stairwell. I guess she thinks perfecting one's craft is silly. I guess she finds safety extremely funny. I guess she views my glorious sophistication as amusing. Whatever it is, it makes her giggle. And, I am not talking about the little giggles. Nope...I am talking about the point and laugh hysterically until you cry while peeing your pants giggles. I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of urine.
 
As the pregnancy went on, I found myself reaching "Double O" status. Mind you, this is a self-proclaimed status, but I am sure if the Queen wasn't so busy babysitting that Kate Middleton chick then she would have been at my ceremony. If that Kate would just leave her top on then we wouldn't have had this problem. At any rate, you can just call me "Double O" until the Queen provides me with my number. Since 007 is already taken, I will be given a different number of the Queen's choice. But, for now, I have a construction paper badge that lists me as a "Double O" agent in the service of the Queen. I am on special assignment and my training has been intense.
 

As time has progressed, my responsibilities have changed. Since the day that I nearly went rogue, my training has broadened and become more intense. I have dodged and been hit by flying urine, wrestled two Gremlins in a tub, used the healing traditions of the nativestried my hand at inventing the next great product, spilled some and shared more top secret information that shouldn't ever be spoken of again. It has been a wild ride!

In future, I am sure I will be called on countless other missions. And, I cannot wait.
 
 

No comments:

Post a Comment