Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Destined for Greatness...

I have been compared to Michael Phelps on the verge of winning eight gold medals in one Olympic Games.

I have rivaled Anderson Silva in his 9 consecutive title defenses and 14 straight wins in the Octagon.

I have been confused for the 1972 Miami Dolphins and Bill Russell's Celtics.

I have been considered an equal of the Tiger Woods' dominance of 2000 at Pebble Beach.

I have been proclaimed as the Muhammad Ali, the Hank Aaron, the MICHAEL JORDAN of my day. And, no...I am not black.

These accolades do not come easy.

Michael Phelps got wrinkly in a pool time and time again before he broke Mark Spitz's record. However, if Spitz would have shaved his mustache...there is no telling how dominate he could have been. I mean, seriously, have you seen that caterpillar? Phelps has probably spent more time in the pool water then I have in shower and bath water in my life

Anderson Silva wore Spandex more than any man ever should before he defended his title 9 times. He spent more time on top of other men than he should have too, but when you can kick some one's butt with one hand tied behind your back...you can wear whatever you want. He has probably spent more time in Spandex than I have in underwear in my life.

The 1972 Miami Dolphins have popped more champagne than their livers can handle. And, Russell has more rings than he does fingers. But, Kool Aid and Championship Toe Rings just doesn't have the same ring to it. The guys have probably spent more time actually winning than I pretended to do in my backyard as a kid in my life.

Tiger Wood's has dominated more than golf over the past ten years...but...we won't talk about that. After all, this is a PG-13 blog. Woods' balls have gotten more attention than anyone else in recent memory. Woods has used his wood more than anyone else too. This is too easy. Minds out of the gutter please. I am still talking about golf here. Tiger Woods has probably spent more time on a green than I have spent on grass in my life.

Muhammad Ali trained incessantly so he could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.

Hank Aaron worked on his swing tirelessly so he could jack 755 balls out of the park.

Michael Jordan burned the midnight oil and lit a fire of desire in his heart to become the GOAT on his way to dominating the sport's world like no one we had ever seen before. All the while, he told us to "Just Do It". Which Tiger Woods adamantly followed to the literal "t".

With all this in mind, I was destined for greatness. From the day I was born, I have been preparing. The training started immediately and it has never stopped. I am training right now. I will be one of, if not, THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME.

Since the beginning, I have gone against the grain and now...I know why.

Every time, every single time, we tell someone that we are having twins they reply with "Get your sleep now" or "Better sleep now" or some other response that makes me chuckle. They all encourage us to get as much sleep as we possible can prior to the arrival of our little all stars. But, they couldn't be more wrong.

This would be like telling Michael Phelps to stay out of the pool. It would be like telling Anderson Silva to forget about moving his head or punching. It would be like telling the Miami Dolphins or Bill Russell to lose a game on purpose. It would be like telling Tiger Woods to be faithful..I mean...like telling Tiger Woods to remove his putter from his bag. It would be like Ali forgetting to float or sting - or - Aaron going to the plate without his bat - or - like telling Jordan to stick with baseball. It is just not logical.

Phelps needs the pool, Anderson needs movement, Russell needs to win, and Tiger needs his putter.

Are you complete lost yet?

These men need their tools in order to be the best. They need to train. They need to work up being the best they can be. And, that is what I have done all my life.

You see, I was a premature baby by like four weeks or something like that. My training began there. I didn't want to sleep anymore. It was time to be awake, so I came early. As a baby, I purposely cried all night long and refused naps. When I succeed at that, I knew I was destined to be the greatest. In Kindergarten, I boycotted nap time. Like Gandhi's hunger strike, I had a point to prove. As a teenager, I had as many "slumber parties" as I could. And, we never participated in the "slumber" part. Super Mario Bros., Mario Kart, Street Fighter, Twisted Metal, Madden, Resident Evil, Halo, Modern Warfare, and Rock Band all took part into molding me into a champion. Little did my mom know...I was preparing for greatness at 4 a.m. A Champion never sleeps.

Since day one, I have been prepping for the glorious lack of sleep that awaits me. I have glued my eyelids open, drank a gallon of Monster, learned to function on fumes, and kicked sleep in its proverbial ass.

Late nights with friends, video games, and days that merge together without the fluttering of eyelids will finally payoff.

See Mom...I didn't really ever need to go to bed...if anything, you attempted to make me fail.

Ladies and Gentleman, the training continues as I write this at 1 a.m. The key is mind over matter, so don't get the sleep while you can...get rid of the sleep as much as you can.

Because this sleep deprivation haze that is about to begin is one of a kind, and I cannot wait to know what it feels like to be a Zombie. But, at least, I am trained...

I am DESTINED for GREATNESS.

*Any and all greatness may or may not have been self proclaimed*

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